Yikirta – Forgiveness
Friday, February 26th, 2010
by Mariam Fikre
EA4C Guest Blogger
click to view page
Yikirta – Forgiveness
I came to the United States in 1983 at the age of 11 and have yet to return to Ethiopia. During the years I lived in Ethiopia—Addis Ababa specifically—the concept of ethnic division and the animosity and injustices each carried about the other was unbeknown to me. From my memory, I lived with neighbors of various ethnic backgrounds whom I loved and regarded as an extension of my family. We ate, drank, celebrated and grieved together. Ever since I was a little girl, I always loved our diverse culture and music—Amaragna, Tigrigna, Oromogna, Guragegna, Dorzigna, Adergna to name a few—but for some reason I always had an extra love for Tigrigna.
It was not until I came to the United States that I was confronted head on by this ethnic division and animosity and became aware, for the first time, of the Ethiopia and Eritrea war. I became aware of this conflict when, at the school I was attending at the time, I met some Eritreans who introduced themselves as Eritreans and refused to refer to themselves as Ethiopians. For someone who always loved their music, culture and language, I felt betrayed by this notion. I could not understand why they did not want to be called Ethiopians. Not having any understanding of their history and reasons behind it, I became very disappointed and confused by it. Unfortunately, since all of us were very young at the time, we did not have the necessary conversation with one another to explain and understand where each of us was coming from.
Despite now being painfully aware of this fundamental difference, it still never stopped my family and I from continuing the most wonderful friendships we cherished with the Eritreans we considered a part of our family. This friendship was maintained by both sides overlooking the big elephant in the room. We each chose to love one another despite this omnipresent fact and never had an honest and open discussion about it with one another. Perhaps everyone was avoiding it for fear of it getting in the way of the friendship—that was until 1991 when Eritrea finally gained military victory and Meles Zenawi gained power of Ethiopia. All of the sudden, the cherished friendships became uncomfortable at best. When one finally felt free to celebrate the other felt betrayed. Without ever having the yet again necessary conversation where each side explained their feelings and reasons why, cherished friendships and relationships came to an end.
Feeling betrayed by this victory and the talk that the Meles Government was going to rule by dividing our beloved country along ethnic lines, I fell into the fear that this country we love was going to be split up to pieces and destroyed beyond recognition. So I felt compelled to attend the many marches around DC, thinking I was going to do all I can to save Ethiopia and unite all Ethiopians without any real understanding of the underlying issues behind these conflicts. Being an Amhara, I had no idea of the pain others that were not Amhara felt having their culture, language and identity not respected, appreciated and acknowledged. I had no idea what it will feel like to be in their shoes, to be teased or regarded as second class citizen for being anything other than Amhara. I later learned to understand the reason, why as an Amhara I was freely able to express my pride and others were not easily able to do the same. Since being Ethiopian was synonymous for being Amhara, I never had the experience of having to hide or made to feel ashamed of my cultural identity thus of course I will be proud to be Ethiopian and express it. But for the others whom were made to feel they had to give up or hide their identity to pass off and adapt to what it was decided was to be Ethiopian, my banner of pride is their banner of pain.
In retrospect, it seems that whichever group is in power, by default, will be the dominant culture. Inversely, those that are not of that group will naturally feel left out and unappreciated. As it can be seen today, now that we, Amharas, are not in power and no longer the same dominant culture as we once have been. We know now how the Eritreans, Tigreans, Oromos, Gurages and the rest felt when we were in power, we now know the feeling of being left out and disregarded and reason for the scar of resentment. Now we are the ones who are marching for freedom and democracy, now we are the ones who are forming, arming and training “freedom fighters”. So let us all—regardless of our ethnicity and/or our religion— use this as a lesson and an opportunity to avoid the same mistake we have made and continue to make. A mistake of grouping the people of that entire ethnic group and those in power as one and the same and blame them for the actions of those in power.
After years of personally attending many marches and meetings, what I came to realize is that these marches and meetings do nothing constructive but create further anger, mistrust and animosity towards one another. Exploiting the passion and genuine love we have for our country, the organizers of these marches and meetings tap into our deepest of emotion to further nothing but their own cause and agenda and line their pockets in the process. Over time, as I grew up and matured, my eyes and mind opened and I learned and continue to learn about life and what truly manners and does not. What time and experience has taught me is that our race, country, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, etc. does not make us who we are thus we should not define and box in ourselves nor one another along those lines.
Reality is, first and foremost we are all human and God’s creation thus we need to love, value and respect one another, for only through this understanding can we truly liberate ourselves from this cycle of hate and resentment we find ourselves in. Second, we all individually have our own God given unique personality and character thus we need to take the time to get to know one another as the individuals we are instead of the generalization and caricatures that we have placed on one another. Third, whatever acronym freedom fighting or political group that has been created and will be created on behalf of our respective countries, ethnic and or religion, in the end, once that group gain power, they will do what every other power before them have done. They will use us – the general public – for their gain by continuing to divide us as much as possible so they can rule us as long as possible.
The way I see it, mistakes have been made on all sides between Ethiopia and Eritrea and also internally within Ethiopia along ethnic, class and religious line thus we can all take ownership of this mistake. Even if we ourselves did not personally make the mistake, if we did not stand against it when we heard or witnessed it, then knowingly or unknowingly, stand equally guilty. With that said, I ask everyone including myself with the utmost respect and compassion, who then among us is truly the innocent, who is the lone victim and who is the sole victimizer and perpetrator? How much more suffering and destruction must we each endure and perpetuate on one another for us to “win”? What will quantify “wining” and “losing”? Are we willing to lose everything we have and can have for us to “win”? At what point do we say enough is enough? If we each admit of making these mistakes and ask for forgiveness would that make us weak, the loser? If we each open our heart and truly forgive would that make our cause worthless and our pain and suffering be in vain?
In the wise word of Mahatma Gandhi “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Thus, for us all to advance and improve our respective current condition, the only option and solution we have left is to acknowledge the pain and struggle of one another and forgive one another. War has never been nor will ever be the answer. So for myself, I say to everyone on all sides, yikirta!!!
Ethiopian-Americans for Change has started a powerful dialogue group where we exchange ideas and discuss historical grievances. The group contains a diverse group of Ethiopians and Eritreans. This is how we overcome our differences, not through bullets but through a dialogue.
click to join group
This blog submission was written by Mariam Fikre. The views of guest bloggers are not the views of Ethiopian-Americans for Change. Guest bloggers represent the broad dissection of views and outlooks within our community.
click to view profile